Healthy Boundaries

What is a Boundary?

A boundary is the periphery of the energetic field that emanates from our center and orients us in the world in relationship to other beings, things and situations.

When our boundaries are intact we feel a sense of well-being, autonomy and an “I am-ness.”

“Having a container that has no leaks (clear boundaries) allows for more of the experience to be felt”, writes Saida Desilets in her book Emergence of the Sensual Woman. "When our boundaries have been crashed into by another, or if we fail to consciously set our own boundaries, we can become uprooted from our center, unsettled in our own skin, stuck in our energy, less potent and powerful".

Boundaries are not walls

Often boundaries are mistakenly thought of as separating us from each other. The truth is, however, that when we learn how to have healthy and distinctive boundaries, we can be more truly present with each other, and more authentically connected. Identifying the meaning of having authentic boundaries, we’re more naturally motivated to create them. Remember, boundaries are not walls meant to keep others out, they are defining parameters that allow us to have more of who we authentically are.

When I teach, present or facilitate group process, I notice that the way I relate to the group is strongly influenced by my ability to stay conscious of my boundary. Without a sense of my own boundary I’ll often feel unsure of being able to hold the space for the group, most likely because I am not even really holding the space for myself.

When first I hold the space for me, by consciously creating my own boundary however, there’s an instant sense of coming home in my own body. This connection to myself is what it means to be in my power. From this place I can hold a reverent and dynamic space for others, inspiring them to trust in my leadership.

Notice:

Notice in this moment if you have a sense of yourself beyond your own physical body.

If you do, how far does your energetic body extend in this moment in a 360degree radius around you. This tells you how much space your taking up and letting others know you need and deserve.

If you don’t, how is this showing up in your relationships with others? Do you feel seen, heard and respected? A lack of boundaries can often result in lack of acknowledgement by those around you.

Ask yourself these questions and notice.

In my next few posts I’ll share more about having healthy, authentic, felt sense boundaries so that your relationships flourish and you feel safe in your own body.

Learn more and experience boundary exercises in the Vividly Woman Monthly Community Online Program.

Leela Francis is a speaker, facilitator and Embody Power Expert. She's the founder and CEO of Vividly Woman, helping women to tap into their embodied power to become thriving, healthy and fulfilled leaders, personally and professionally.

www.LeelaFrancis.com

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More Yummy, Less Yucky

3 Tips for Cultivating Witness Versus Wallow Consciousness

Recently I noticed myself wallowing in some feelings of sadness. The sadness was brought on by me comparing myself to a woman who I was perceiving as more successful than I. As a result I was actively self deprecating and feeling inadequate. Yes, I confess that sometimes I do let comparing myself to others get me down, and it can be a real drag. Fortunately lately I've had the insight and awareness to witness what's happening instead of let myself be pummeled by the self pity that often in the past would ensue. Though I still felt the sadness, I was also able to be with it in a way that allowed me to honor my feelings instead of be a victim to them.

Here are 3 practices that I use to get me into the witness and out of the wallower.

1. Feeling & Sensing; Notice your feelings and their corresponding sensations instead of the narrative in your mind that justifies the feeling. Letting go of the story and being a witness to sensation and feeling, brings you to truth that empowers you instead of story that debilitates you.

2. Be Self Referencing: Acknowledge self referring vs external referring behavior. Are your choices motivated by your inner preferences or by outside standards? Witness your tendency towards one or the other to identify whether you are living and choosing authentically for you.

3. Take Responsibility: Do you take responsibility for your life or do your tend to blame people or circumstances outside yourself. Witnessing why things are the way they are, with you as the director and the producer of your life, not just the lead actor, will encourage "yummy" way quicker than the victim "yucky" experience of your life's dramas.

The cultivation of witness consciousness is an ongoing practice. We have to stalk the wallowing tendencies and be gentle when we find them, witnessing even that with a loving "ah so", and choose to dance in the light of the witness helping to dismantle the darkness of the wallower.

Leela Francis is the founder of Vividly Woman. An embodiment Expert, facilitator and coach, she inspires the values of the divine feminine in work and in play.

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